Pregnancy &
Parenting Articles
Mama
Squared
I knew having one
child would change my entire life. I never thought adding a second
to the equation would bring so many additional changes -- and
challenges -- to my life.
Those who followed my pregnancy diary on MyMamaSaid.com know my
daughter was born almost four months ago. It has taken me these
four months to settle into my new child and new role of dual
mommy.
Many mothers warned me that having a second child would be a big
jump (almost as big a jump as having your first). And, boy, were
they right.
It all started easily enough. The Baby Blues came along right
after I came home from the hospital. But this time, I was more
aware of my needs and asked for -- and received -- help when I
needed it. And as expected, there were some jealous moments my
2-year-old son experienced in those first few weeks. At one point,
I literally could not leave the room with him and the baby alone
together because he would hit her every chance he got. So I
eliminated those chances (even if I had to bring him to the
bathroom with me!).
Folks would ask me "How are you?" My reply? "I'm a
tennis ball in a tennis match between my son and daughter."
Back and forth, from one to the other, every minute, every hour,
every day.
Some days I wanted to rip my hair out. The back and forth was
making me crazy. Those were the times when my husband or my mother
took my son for outings so I could get a break. Of course, this
was also when the Baby Blues were in full force, so my husband or
my mother taking my son for the day felt to me like I was failing
him. I often felt the extreme closeness my son and I had shared
was slipping away from me and it was breaking my heart. My son
leaving for the day with my mother and not giving me a kiss
goodbye made me cry for hours. I was certain he hated me for
bringing home a new baby.
I can't say when those feelings ended exactly, but I do know that
they started to fade away as my son's jealousy did. I tried as
hard as I could to maintain our daily rituals -- yes, even the
homemade blueberry pancakes. And slowly, it helped him see that I
still loved him just as much -- and helped me to see that he still
loved me, too.
And just before Christmas, my son told me, for the first time,
"Mommy, I wuv woo!" It was the best Christmas gift I
could have ever received.
Having gone through some terrible Baby Blues with a hint of
postpartum depression when my son was born, I knew I needed to
devote some time to myself, too. I started reading for enjoyment,
relaxed and did NOTHING if I felt like it, and took up yoga again.
I am now a firm believer in the power of yoga -- and am certain it
has saved my son's Terrible Two back end on several occasions.
I still feel like a beaten up tennis ball these days, but I try to
recite my new mantra every chance I get: "BALANCE."
Balance between my children. Balance between my mommy role and
myself. Balance between my family and my career. I can't keep both
children happy at all times, keep the house clean, cook three
meals a day and get all of my work done everyday. I'm not perfect
and pretending I can be is too exhausting.
What I want to know is how my parents did it. They had two kids,
both worked full time outside the home, and our house was always
immaculately clean. I never remember a time when there was
disorder. I guess it helps having a father who's cleanliness is
borderline obsessive compulsive (we're talking about a man who
cleans up after the housecleaner has come by).
Oh well, I am counting on the notion that once the children are
older (as in they have chores of their own to do), that's when my
house and life will be a little more organized.
Was that a chuckle I heard out there?
Kristine is "Mama" of http://www.MyMamaSaid.com,
where she's been sharing her pregnancy diary. You can reach her at
mailto:mama@mymamasaid.com.
This article
provided by the Family Content Archives at: http://www.Family-Content.com
